Even the most seasoned educators, homeschoolers and homeschool consultants are often unaware of essential developmental processes that must unfold in children in order for true learning and maturation to take place. It’s no wonder, as we have been raised to look primarily at what we can see with the 5 senses… we have learned to judge progress by outcomes and behaviours.
However, from Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s attachment-based developmental perspective, those outward behaviours are not the real issue to be addressed. They are, actually, quite the opposite.
As much as we might be tempted to correct, direct, instill, demand, “habit train”, punish or use rewards and consequences to achieve certain outcomes and behaviours from our children, this was never Nature’s way forward for the human being. Rather, from a developmental perspective, outward behaviours are most often the indicators of the child’s quality of attachment the adult in the lead.
Good and virtuous behaviour is not the means to development and maturation; rather behaviours are the fruits of genuine development.
Most of us put the cart before the horse. When we attempt to remedy situations by attempting to control effects, instead of addressing the source of the issue (in this case, the relationship and the level of emotional rest of a child), we are directly working against ourselves and against the way Nature is working in our child.
Falling “out of attachment” can happen in an instant and can result in defendedness, push-back, lack of focus and a resistance to learning – and resistance even to those who love them most. Behaviour-focused responses can wound relationships, divide a child from the adult in charge and, over the long-term, can have more serious consequences for the inner life of the young person.
Many parents and teachers sense there is a better way, but simply don’t know what else to do. The Neufeld approach provides insights and guidance that can ease the entire process.
